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Why do we give up? 

The role of understanding in self-confidence and consistency

From my work experience, I came to realize that children enter into this world with a fearless and insatiable appetite for learning and success. Fear of failure seems to be one of the reasons for (inner) withdrawal and resignation (on the outside, someone may endlessly be trying). In some cases, when this is happening, the environment responds with destructive criticism (e.g. you are lazy). In that way, maybe unconsciously, is contributing to the creation of a vicious circle of emotional and mental negativity.

Do we fear what we don’t understand?

What we would like to discuss here, is that often, lack of understanding of a subject precedes fear of failure. Lack of understanding (how things work, not knowing what I am doing or why I am doing it, etc), creates confusion and anxiety in the learner. That may result in fear of failure and finally in withdrawal. If that’s the case, maybe, we shouldn’t resort to rejection or criticism as a “motivational” tool, when a child is looking to give up.

How can you keep your kid motivated?

What would happen if instead, we invest our efforts and patience to help the child get the best possible understanding of the subject first? Whatever the subject is? Would we help the child to get free from fear or not? Would the child feel more in control and therefore more confident?

And if the hypothesis above is of some value, what would happen if we could replace criticism with encouragement and support when difficulties arise? (I cannot, I am not good, I am bored, I do not want to, etc?).

Such a choice though needs a lot of work, patience, and discipline from parents’ and educators’ part too. But is really worthwhile and rewarding.

PS: Lack of understanding ( lack of clarity) of a subject, a situation, a behavior, patterns of communication, other people’s motives, of ourselves, etc, may also result in fear and (inner) resignation in adulthood.

Food for thought

Is it possible to have already resigned without knowing it? Are resignation and desperation (I cannot) linked to one another? And if that is the case, how Clear Understanding would help us turn a situation in our favor? Should understanding become a priority?

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If things are more complicated for you and you find it difficult to give answers regarding the interwoven concepts of confidence, understanding, and motivation Register Here to discuss it with a reliable, qualified advisor. 

Elissavet Georgiadis (Music Therapist/Mental Health Professional. PgDipMT, GSMD – City University)