The psychology
Last week in Greece, we celebrated the “No Anniversary Day” (OXI), which commemorates Greece’s rejection of Italian claims and ultimatum on the 28th of October 1940., the country’s entry into the World War II, and the beginning of the Greek-Italian War of 1940.
Inspired by the Greek National Day, and everything that it symbolizes, we decided to explore the etymology of the word NO (OXI in Greek) and discuss its psychological nuances and meaning. Such an approach may help us to choose wiser our YESES and NOES in everyday life.
The etymology… and more.
(The etymology of a word can be a useful tool in understanding better ourselves and the world around us. Etymology means the study of the true meaning, and as such can contribute to achieving clarity and self-awareness).
There are NOES that communicate an affirmative (genuine) “I do not want”, or “I do not agree”. By genuine we mean that there is not any intention to manipulate other people or control a situation (consciously or unconsciously). It is usually easier to say it when you are confident, strong, determined, prepared, or truly independent. Or if you are surrounded by a loving and supportive environment.
So, when we choose to reject, we should consider if we really mean it, as well as if we can support it. Because if we cannot support it then it is not authentic, and we might regret it.
Finally, another meaning of the word may also convey genuine disapproval of something.
Other aspects of NOES and YESES
At a national level, expressed in any form, may communicate the importance of freedom, and sovereignty for a nation to protect its wealth and its citizens’ well-being.
There is also an example of an advanced spiritual and religious NO that is implicitly expressed through saying “YES”: As Nikos Kazantzakis mentions in his book The Last Temptation: “He does not resist, and this is the greatest resistance”.
Or, what about the NOES that are not so much affirmative?
As it is aptly mentioned by Demosthenes Kourtovik:
How many “sluggish” YES, how many “lurking” YES its heroic pose often is hiding.
Confidence, NOES, and self-development
What if saying NO hides a lack of confidence in one’s self? Even if a situation could be potentially harmful but at the same time deeply desirable, what would we choose? Can we guess, or control the outcome? Not really, and this is what RISK is all about.
In this case, the decision might be just a matter of confidence and nothing else. If we believe in ourselves you know deep down that we can recover anything.
Thus, we feel free to explore a situation that although maybe potentially “dangerous”, at the same time could satisfy your heart and call without any catastrophic losses. On the other hand, if things turn out well, life may compensate you at the maximum.
See what Natalie Portman has to say on the subject, here:
Georgiadi, E. (2020): Understanding fear: pathways to fulfillment and success
Traumatic experiences
There is a great body of research evidence that psychologically traumatized children usually become fearful, stressed, restrained adults (Rothchild. B, 2000, Steele, W., & Raider, M. 2001., Wylies . M.S, 2004). These children exhibit maladaptive behaviors on many occasions. That means that they react negatively even when the conditions are NOT harmful or dangerous. They are just perceived as such by them unconsciously. The pain of the trauma stored primarily as memory may trigger mental and bodily responses, that are out of context….
Hence, these adults may turn down situations or people that may be good for them, just because they are not in a position to distinguish between what is good and what is bad. Sadly, they just choose wrong. Therefore, they miss the opportunity to experience joy and happiness in life when good things are happening.
In these cases, the therapeutic goals should differ from those of people with less traumatized or more secure backgrounds. Such a reaction may be also interwoven with unresolved feelings of envy.
You can LEARN more about ENVY and its impact on our lives here:
Georgiadi, E. (2017): Envy: an attack on the goodness
Discussion
Under this perspective, it is important to be able to separate and comprehend the mental and emotional elements that contribute to the way we think, feel, decide and react in certain situations (perception of danger, and fear, unconscious feelings, and motives, neediness or insecurity, as well as strength and power).
We are posting this article today as food for thought. Just an article it is not possible to throw light on such a complicated and important matter.
The only thing that we can suggest for now with a quip, is by paraphrasing the fashionable “Choose your battles wisely”, to “Choose you NOES (and YESES), wisely”.
PS. What happens when we say NO to ourselves?
Follow the SHARE LV link below to LEARN more:
Georgiadi, E. (2018): Denial: an obstacle to happiness and fulfillment. An etymological approach
Bibliography
Nikos Kazantzakis (1975).The Last Temptation . Faber&Faber Editors
Δημοσθένης Κούρτοβικ (2019). Το Νέο Αντιλεξικό Νεοελληνικής Χρηστομάθειας. Βιβλιοπωλείο της ΕΣΤΙΑΣ.(In Greek only).
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Elissavet Georgiadis (Music Therapist/Mental Health Professional – PgDipMT, GSMD – City University)
Very thorough. Well-done!
Thanks!